


I Just Wanted to Remember

by KichieSPNGirl19



Category: Roswell (TV 1999)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-17 05:22:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21048992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KichieSPNGirl19/pseuds/KichieSPNGirl19
Summary: What if the Roswell gang didn’t save Max from the white room in time. Liz grieves his death on the roof alone, and his spirit comes to comfort her.





	I Just Wanted to Remember

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick one-shot I decided to do in honor Roswell's 20th anniversary. This was my favorite show back then. Enjoy :)

Liz Parker sat alone on her favorite long-chair, journal on her lap, recounting the many times she’d met Max Evans there. On the roof outside the window of her room situated on top of her family’s Crashdown Café. Sometimes to study but other times it was more about talking. His face even now was more crystal clear than it had ever been. Almost too real to touch. She could be blindfolded and paint his handsome contours in her mind. Midnight hair and strong jaw. Those astonishing eyes piercing through her soul. His genuine smile whenever he laughed along with her. And the smell of his cologne still permeated her sinuses. 

Glancing at the brick wall behind, Liz notices the graffiti red heart baring their initials that Max created the night he got drunk on Valentines day. The second time they’d kissed. Tracing her fingertips over her mouth she remembers what his lips tasted and felt like against hers. How happy and light she was as they ran all over town together. 

Why? Why did he have to leave?

“Max, I miss you so much,” Liz lamented, diary falling off her knees as she covered her tearful face. It hurt so much to breathe. “I just want to see you again. I-I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

She’d been pretending this whole time that losing him hadn’t affected her. Walking the school halls like an emotionless robot, avoiding her friends especially Maria and Alex. They’d been calling her home steadily for a week following the failed rescue attempt at Eagle Rock military base, where Agent Pearce had tortured Max and terminated Nesado and Tess. Michael and Isabel were lucky enough to get out of that place alive, though neither had been the same since.

“Liz?” A familiar gentle voice suddenly broke her out of the stupor. 

She looked up from her palms and realized Max was sitting right beside her clad in his infamous brown leather jacket, jeans and V-neck. Reading his melancholic expression, she got the sense that her despair was distressing him; brushing the hair out of her face with his hand so tenderly. 

“Max? Is that…really you?” She choked out. For a second Liz felt hopeful until he stalled. “Oh… I forgot…”

“I wanted to say yes,” he admits, eyes drooping. “But then it would be a lie and I can’t bare to do that to you.”

“Then why are you here?”

“You called me.”

She averted her gaze touching her forehead. “I call you all the time. W-why is it different now?”

“Cause I know how much you’re hurting,” Max asserts his voice a decibel above monotoned. Kneading her shoulder. “And I wanted to be here for you until…”

“Until what?” she lilted. 

“Until you’re ready to let me go.”

Hearing this gutted her. Getting up from her seat, Liz walks towards the ledge by the ladder.

“That’ll never happen.” She told him glancing over her shoulder, wiping the tears away with the corner of her sleeve. “Max you’re…you’re the love of my life. I can’t go day without you being in my head… It’s my fault that I couldn’t save you…”

“No Liz, it wasn’t.” The tall alien boy consoles; rising to his feet. “You did everything thing you could.”

“I should’ve gone to Sheriff Valenti sooner… Maybe I could’ve prevented…”

“Don’t do that to yourself Liz. What happened to me…wasn’t your fault.”

The Parker girl felt chilled from the night breeze, hugging herself. Taking in the empty scenery of Roswell. Dark buildings and roads scarce of vehicles. Closing her eyes, she imagines Max’s strong arms wrapping around her. Its safe and warm again. And she can smell the forest in the worn leather of his jacket. If only this were real.

Licking her lips, she nuzzles her face against his chest. “I just want you to be here Max…” Sniffles Liz; clutching his arms. “I wish we could…go back to before all this started…”

“I... don’t…” Max ripostes, leaning his cheek on the top of her head. Liz couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Max, the day that you saved my life…your life just e-ended…”

“No that’s the day my life began.” The alien boy whispers softly above her ear. “Liz, when I was in that room…and they did what they did to me… You’re what kept me alive…the thought of you…”

Perplexed, she glances up at him. And he elaborated. 

“Knowing you has made me…human…” Max reveals; fixing his eyes on hers. “Even if I’d died a week earlier or fifty years from now…I would’ve still wanted what we had… I just wanted you to know that.” 

Liz’s voice breaks. “But if you hadn’t saved me at the Crashdown—”

“—I would’ve been just as lost.” Max interjects; cradling her face in his hands. Stroking away fresh tears with his thumbs. “Liz, don’t you understand what you meant to me? I loved you…”

“I love you…” She tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “But it doesn’t matter anymore…does it?” 

Max just frowns, removing his hands. “I should go.”

“Why?” Liz chirped; doe-eyed gaze becoming saucers.

“I’m only making this harder.”

“No, please stay! Please…just stay a little longer.” 

“I shouldn’t be here,” Max answers heavily; disengaging from her and walking over to the ladder. “Liz, you need to get on with your life… I’m just holding you back.”

“You’re not.” Protests the Parker girl, on his heels. But he’s already swung one leg over the ledge, grasping the handles. “Max?”

This was just like the night they’d broken up in the aftermath of saving Michael. When Max had visited Liz on the roof to tell her their relationship had put him off balance. Instantly her heart sank.

“I’m already gone.” He says sorrowfully despite the half smile. Tears swimming in his bright hazel eyes looking back at her. “This is just…a fantasy in your mind.”

“I don’t care.” She remonstrates. Palms clamped on the ledge. 

Max looked down, sighing. 

“I’m sorry.” He says; drooping his shoulders about to climb down the steps. “This was a mistake…”

“No wait Max!” Liz prompts inching closer to the ladder and Max stops. He should’ve gone but the desperation in her voice compels him to remain in place. They exchange a longing gaze for a millisecond before Liz grips Max’s face with both hands; pressing her mouth on his. Her stomach feels lighter than a feather tumbling in the breeze. She kisses him soft, holding onto the last image of him with all her might. Refusing to let go. Not yet, just a little bit longer. I want to be with him a bit longer. Liz visualizes Max kissing her back; his hands tangled in her hair. Tasting a hint of apple in his breath. The tears continue to flow just as he finally pulls away. Throat clogged in emotion, Liz manages to get out the sentence. “I…I just wanted…to remember…”

Max touches her face beaming. “Goodbye, Liz.”

She closes her eyes, swallowing hard. 

“Bye…Max.”


End file.
